Gotta Go
As far as I can tell, no human being on this planet has the ability to hold their bodily functions [fluids?] inside indefinitely. Sooner or later, it’s time to go, and when you’ve gotta go, you’ve gotta go.
Am I right? I realize that there is no delicate way to talk about an indelicate matter, like using public restrooms, but I’m afraid that’s what we’ve been reduced to, having to write an article like this as a way to persuade the mainstream citizenry to let “us po’ folk” use the facilities in a dignified manner. I have zero desire to talk about anyone’s private plumbing, or mine, for that matter. Urination and defecation are not high on my list of conversational topics, either.
Just thinking about it-well, I don’t recommend it on a full stomach. Nonetheless, it must be done. Here we are in the year 2004, and we’re still talking about the right to go potty. Oh, and we call ourselves a civilized nation, too.
“This is basic stuff, kids Human Relations 101. Treat others as you would like to be treated.
Mutual respect. How hard can it be? Well, on a one-on-one level, we’re doing OK. On a class level, however, we’re not. The middle class look down on the lower class. The upper class look down on the middle class. The upper class look WAY down on the lower class. The homeless?
What homeless? Ohhhhh—those are the ones who go to the bathroom outside! What is the world coming to? Those people aren’t even civilized. It is conveniently forgotten that the lower, middle, and upper class are partners in preventing the homeless from acting in decent manner. It’s NIMBYism all over again—Not In My Bathroom, You!! Business after business. Store after store. Even gas stations. The excuse is always “For Customers Only.” You must spend money. No big deal to the 9-to-5ers. They don’t get it. The 9-to-5ers lead a charmed life. Everywhere they go, there’s a clean bathroom, free to use, and what’s more, they didn’t have to jump through any childish hoops to use it. Just-go in. No third degree. No demands for money. No one stopping you. Just… in. Now, the homeless pretty much have to beg to use the restroom. Pride? What pride? That was swallowed long ago.
I went to the drugstore to pick up my medication. I asked to use the restroom. Not available to customers-staff only. I had to go outside, walk to a corner, cross a stoplight, take a right, walk one block, go into another building, ask a security guard for directions, go down a bunch of stairs, and it’s about 20 feet away. Isn’t that great customer service? The best part is, a customer at the drugstore gave me the directions to the restroom. The staff of course plead the Fifth. Apparently, we all have diseases, and none of us clean up after ourselves, and businesses have taken it upon themselves to be selective about who will and will not use their facilities, without consulting the general public. Where else can the homeless go to relieve themselves? Most office and public buildings won’t even let you past the front door. BART? MUNI? They’re all locked up. Forget that bull! Bars? Again, you have to spend money, and if you’re an alcoholic, it’s a double dilemma. People in recovery need clean restrooms away from temptation. What about them pay toilets? Glad you asked! The ones around the Tenderloin and the Mission have too many problems with junkies, as well as with hookers and their Johns. People break into them to sleep inside, and they’re constantly being repaired. Not the best place to do one’s duty. The exceptions are few and far between, particularly for seniors and the disabled, who need them more frequently than the rest of us.
Why, the only time the homeless are adequately served is during big events in the Civic Center or Mission areas, when the Porta-Potties are available. It’s getting bad enough, we might need to put out a map showing which bathrooms are safe for homeless use.
For the time being, I suggest that if homeless people wish access to civilized facilities, they try to do the following:
- Be clean and conservatively dressed when asking.
- Go to places where you’ve spent money in the past.
- Go to places that don’t see you as a stranger or a threat.
- When let in, clean up afterward, so you can go back.
- Get to know the names behind the counter.
- In the beginning, just go to the bathroom-don’t abuse the privilege and clean your body there. (If you have no choice, clean up after yourself so well that no one will know.)
People don’t realize that a lot of homeless people leave bathrooms as they found them. Some even clean up other “civilized” people’s messes. Wait, I forgot-the civilized folks don’t make messes, just the vagrants. The bums of America are used to being scapegoated for every little thing by “civilized” people-people so civilized that they hurt innocent poor people to turn a profit, then party the night away as the jobless sleep outside.
That’s not my idea of civilization. The first part of that word, “civil,” means something. When we are civil, we are being decent to one another. We are treating one another with respect. If we have a guest in our house, we allow them to use our bathroom. That goes without saying. If we have indoor plumbing, we don’t send guests back to the outhouse. It’s a sad thing when businesses and others don’t allow others the simple human dignity of their normal human bodily functions in a respectable setting, and force them into a situation that they would rather not take part in, if it were up to them.
Unfortunately, it’s not.
I don’t know about you, but my bladder doesn’t do tricks, and it doesn’t perform miracles. When it has to go, IT HAS TO GO. I just want to do it in a non-embarrassing way that won’t get me a ticket.
But if you’re gonna ticket me, ticket those jocks and frat-rats at the bars, too. They have been getting away with it forever, without so much as a slap on the wrist. I’m depending on you down-and-outers out there to spread the gospel. BATHROOMS FOR ALL!!
Randall
